All alone.

Lately it happens pretty often when I just want to have someone by my side. It's seriously going crazy. My world is going crazy. 

I've never thought I'd become a person who will not want to share their feelings or worries. I would never think such a thing about myself. N-E-V-E-R. However, now it turned out an opposite way. I don't feel like sharing with anyone. It kinda scares me. Why? Cuz I want to, I really want to share this everything with someone, it's just that I, firstly, don't think there's someone who actually wants to be here for me and secondly, I don't wanna be a burden.

I guess that's why I'm writing this blog.

There is a couple things I need to tell.

1) I'm afraid I live in the past. I think all the time how much better and EASIER it was there for me. My friends, my time, my life. I've never been depressed there. EVER. And here? Look what's going on here? These fights like 24/7. And it's just crazy. I wanna escape. Escape far away. Ugh. 

And I remembered some details of my last year, which made me feel so embarassed. Whatever. I can't talk it out anyway. It's too late and too pointless.

I remember a few months ago I had a hope, I had a belief that I would at least a little bit of a chance to get in colleges in the US. I actually believed in that. But what now? When did it all die? Where did all go? 

2) I'm afraid of my future. It is very scary. What's going to happen to me next year? Where will be? Here? There? WHERE? I have so many questions and no answers, no answers at all.

I'm just a dead squirrel and nothing more.