Saturday, September 28, 2013

I hate distance.

I literally hate distance. When I came to the US, it wasn't hard at all. I never missed anything and anyone(Lets do not count New Year's Eve). Here it's been almost three months and I still can't adjust back. In the beginning I thought that I made myself believe that I wanna back and stuff, but then one day I just realized that it wasn't that easy.
It is actually very sad that during 15 years of my life here, I haven't made any really good friends, who would be ALWAYS here for me. They all disappeared when I need 'em the most. Our friendship lasted about 9 months - academic year. It was like pregnance: they were here for nine months and then they were gone.
I miss my American friends. Seriously, if I broke my wrist here, no one of my friends here would stay with me at the hospital for the whole day, no one would come to visit me, no one would stay with me inside in summer for days. Literally, NO ONE.

There's a ukrainian saying that everything good should come in small quantities. Does it mean that you can be happy only for a short period of time?
The thing is that by writing this I don't wanna offend anyone. Honestly, I'm writing this cuz I don't wanna make my friends listen to all of this. I don't wanna be a pain for them. Sometimes, it's much easier to put your feeling into words than say it to a person. That's why every time I wanna say something what means to me a lot, I write it as a letter or a message.
I feel like this post is so messed up and random, but whatever. I needed to put my feelings somewhere.
This week I thought finally everything started to get better, but one morning I woke up and my first thought was "Oh God, how much I miss you". It took me a long time to actually leave my pride behind and tell that person about it.
You know, I love music. And I hate it at the same time, too. Songs, which used to be just usual song, became something special. They became "our songs". When I hear 'em, all I can do is make myself not to whine. And after that I still have a feeling of emptiness inside.
It isn't a usual missing. I just feel needless over here.
And all I can say is just "Oh God, how much I miss you!".
Главное, чтобы потом не оказалось, что это было что-то большее для меня...

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